Two Chickens & A Sack of Potatos
by Opt281
Summary: Ranma falls out of the sky only to learn that Genma has done it again.


_Since time immemorial has there been nothing new under the sun, and ever since that time it has been the custom that fanfiction begins with a disclaimer. Therefore I disclaim: Puella Magi Madoka Magica is the greatest anime to air in this Winter season of 2011, and it is most assuredly not mine. Proper credit belongs to production studios SHAFT and Aniplex, director Akiyuki Shinbo, and writer Gen Urobuchi. Ranma 1/2 is not as great as PMMM, but it is also assuredly not mine. Proper credit for Ranma 1/2 goes to Rumiko Takahashi. I shall now ennumerate my transgressions against the domain of fanfiction: First, by writing fanfiction. Second, by writing crossover fanfiction. Third, by posting fanfiction relating to Ranma 1/2 that actually manages to have a less conclusive ending than the official manga. The vain hope that someone might get an idea from this and run with it, or simply have a good laugh, is probably not enough to absolve these transgressions. My apologies._

"That idiot's going to get herself killed."

Let us assume for a moment that you are not aware of the events up to this point. If you shared the perspective of a certain young lady, you would have many versions of those events to choose from, so it behooves us to be specific:

Kaname Madoka is not a magical girl. She could become a very powerful one, but at the moment when she was closest to making a contract, she witnessed the gruesome death of Tomoe Mami, and has been quite too afraid to commit herself to the fate of a magical girl ever since.

Miki Sayaka has not been so fortunate. Having made a wish for a certain young man's miraculous recovery, she has become permanently committed to a lifestyle for which she has neither the necessary talent nor an appropriate temprament. Furthermore, she has clashed with Sakura Kyouko over differences both territorial and philosophical, and feels that she has lost the right to pursue a romance with the aforementioned young man for reasons relating to her magical nature.

As for Kyouko, she had been watching Sayaka fight from outside the barrier. Since it was a witch and not a familiar, she felt no need to prevent Sayaka from fighting it. Indeed, in a way she was cheering for the newbie magical girl, and it was this sentiment that drove her decision to intervene.

It was at this point that a young man fell out of the sky.

The exact circumstances leading to his unusual arrival were of no importance. Because his name was Saotome Ranma, being thrown, punched, or launched by a mallet, spatula, or other weapon in the general direction of the horizon was essentially part of his routine, as was making a safe landing on the ground afterwards.

For certain definitions of "safe."

"A- are you okay?" Madoka asked of the Ranma-shaped hole in the ground.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It looks more painful than it is." He said, while climbing out of the hole, virtually unscathed.

Madoka shrank back from his appearance. Even in the dim light of this particular labrynth, he seemed to be dripping with darkness. It rolled off of his body in clouds and rivulets, coming into sharp focus only at his fingertips, which Madoka would have sworn were claws.

If he noticed her reaction, he made no indication. "What the hell is that thing?"

"It's a witch. They spread curses and kill people. Sayaka's a magical girl, so she's fighting it."

"Curses, eh? I'm cursed myself, so I figure I owe that thing an ass-kicking."

With that, the boy charged straight at the witch, clearly planning to pummel it into oblivion while it was focused on Sayaka. Madoka didn't know whether he actually stood a chance, but there were so many familiars in his way that he had to start fighting them seriously before he was anywhere close to the witch herself.

"Come back! It's useless to try fighting a witch if you're not a magical girl!"

"Saotome Ranma never gives up!"

Meanwhile, Sayaka had been caught up in the witch's attack and was in the process of being crushed to death by its tree-like growth.

That is, until Kyouko appeared and cut her free.

"Stand back, rookie. I'll show you how it's done."

"Leave me alone. I can do this by myself."

Sayaka charged back at the witch, paying no heed to anything. It tore savagely at her flesh, but she ignored her wounds and pounded it with her sword until it split open and died. The Grief Seed she gave to Kyouko before leaving with Madoka.

"That idiot..."

"Wow. I have to put up with a lot of really loony people, but that girl- That's more like suicide than a legitimate fighting style."

"Speaking of idiots, what the hell were you..." Kyouko trailed off after getting her first good look at the boy's face. "Ranma?"

"Uh... I kinda forgot your name. Sorry about this."

* * *

><p>"You got a curse that strong just by falling in a spring? Well, I guess that explains the wet look to it. What are the claws for? Do you turn into a cat or something?"<p>

"No, I turn into a girl."

"You're joking! Saotome Ranma, man among men, turns into a girl when he gets wet?"

"Don't laugh. It's embarassing as heck."

"You mean funny as hell!" She kept laughing. "But seriously, you look like you've got claws. Some other curse?"

He looked down at his hands, though of course he didn't see any evidence of claws. "That's probably the Cat Fist."

"Huh. So you're not afraid of cats anymore?"

"Nah, I was like that before you met me. If a cat gets too close to me, I freak out and start to think I'm a cat."

"And I only see it now because I'm a magical girl. I wonder if I could help you break those curses... Or at least track down the witches that cursed you."

"Like I said, there really weren't any witches involved."

"There have to be. Even if it doesn't look like it to normal folks, that's how curses work."

"Well, I ain't normal, and I didn't get the Cat Fist from any witch. Pops wrapped me up in sausages and tossed me into a pit full of starving cats."

"That's horrible! And you stayed with him?"

Ranma shrugged. "He's my dad. It's not even the worst thing he's done to me. It seems like I run into another girl he promised to marry me off to every other week. Once he got his hands on the money, he'd just take me and leave town, and I usually never hear about it until the girl tracks me down wanting to fight me."

"Good thing that didn't happen to us. We never really got enough food after- Well, I guess the church speaks for itself."

"Crap. What happened to this place?"

"A while after you left town, Dad was branded a heretic and excommunicated. People stopped coming to his sermons, and for a long time we didn't get enough to eat. It frustrated me so much that I made a wish to get people to listen to him and became a magical girl. It worked for a while, and then he found out my wish. He went crazy after that, and tried to kill all of us along with himself. I was the only one who survived." She sighed. "I should probably tell Sayaka about that. It might help her understand what she's doing wrong."

"Damn. I really hope my Pops didn't rip you guys off. He's driven a lot of good folks crazy that way."

"Eh, don't worry about it. It's too late to care if your old man took any money from us, and even if dad had tried to arrange a marriage for me, I really don't have time for that kind of crap." Kyouko shifted a loose floorboard and pulled out a grocery bag. "Apple?"

Ranma wasn't one to turn down food. While he ate, Kyouko started to put the bag back in her stash, but something inside caught the light. She pulled out a little locked box.

"Huh. I wonder how long this has been here?" She broke the lock and started looking through the documents inside. Then she frowned. "Oi, you should see this."

She passed him one of the papers, which Ranma skimmed over. "Two chickens and a sack of potatos? Dammit, Pops!" He paused, realizing what this meant. "Uh, you don't care, right? You just said that you weren't interested in something like this."

"I don't care about _money,_ Ranma! I can't forgive someone who wastes food!"


End file.
